I've always been a firm believe in things happen for a reason, I just need to keep reminding my self of this during the tough times.
I have sat here for the last 3 hours (not exactly THAT long, randomly up doing things) getting ready to talk about my day and some of the hats that Ive made.. But instead, I think I'm going to go a little further. In my first post that i had started writing (that you didn't get to see) I mentioned that I had called and talked to my dad about lunch time, over some land issues that were about to take place letting him know coordinates and so forth. Okay. so with all that said, I talked maybe 10 minutes to my folks if that.. And it was less than two hours later, my mom had called and i could tell she was rather upset, not but the way her tone was but, how she words things... Its like a trademark she has, when something bad is about to happen she always starts out with "I cant talk to you long, but I really need to tell you this".. And that's where the conversation began. Let me back up here a little ways, so you can kind of get a sense of where this is going to go...
My aunt.. She was a lovely woman, hard working, and very family oriented. Her and her husband, who was a union electrician raised 2 girls, one 10 years older than me, and I believe the other, couple years older than her even. They raised horses, lots and lots of horses and sheep. They were always on the road to some horse show on the weekend and started getting me into showing horses, though probably not as much as they like, but it was fun. At the ripe old age of 30 i found out that when Santa came to our house at Christmas when I was younger, it was Uncle Danny that played Santa, it may have scared me at first, but when I got old enough to ask my parents who it was that played him, they always insisted it was Santa himself. And at 32, it still is. Christmas' were always a blast with my Aunt and Uncle, being an only child I was spoiled (Hear that Mom??!? I admitted to it) and they pretty much came up with anything they possibly could, to make my parents mad because of the annoying toys they would buy and send home. In a way, it was kinda classic. heh.
4 years ago, this October, my aunt and my mom came down for a visit.. I hadn't felt real good and my feet were mad crazy swollen, but we went around and did some touring around the county taking her to places that she hadn't seen. And while mom was in a store, we were standing outside talking and she looked at me and said, " I know you don't feel well, by some chance do you think you could be pregnant..?" At the time that hadn't really crossed my mind, and my sister an law decided to take a trip to town, and take some stuff back, that i had to go to Walmart, in the process picked up a box of pregnancy tests, and thought 'what the hell' well, come to find out, she was right, 3 tests later, double lines on all three, I was pregnant. More than excited, but yet, hadn't been to the Dr yet to know for sure, I called mom on her way home an our way home, and talked to her for a couple minutes, then asked to talk to Dixie.. She all but said hello, and I told her she was right.. 3 tests, but hadn't been to the Dr to confirm, but I was having a baby. I told her not to tell mom, until i knew for sure (later finding out that this was going to make my mother more than pissed off at me) Sure enough, Monday morning I went to the doctor, and found out that I was going to have a baby within the second week of June. I called my mom, and told her, in a way she kind of already knew but, didn't say anything at the time, and yes, she was mad. But at the same time very happy.. Went through the pregnancy and child birth just fine, and a couple weeks later my folks came down and brought Dixie and Danny with them. Other than Emmie's Grandparents(both sides) Aunt Jessica and Uncle Edgar, and her dad, I had the happiest Aunt and Uncle I could ever ask for..
Fast forward to 2 years ago, we were up at mom and dads, and they had invited Dixie and Danny for supper, we had a great time, and they doted over Emmie, like they did, we visited and they went home. Mom asked me if i had noticed anything about Dixie, and i had told her not really, and didn't think much of it, well Danny would call talk to dad and they would talk about how every once in a while she would forget to do something, or so forth and over time, just had progressingly gotten worse.. Fast forwarding again to a year ago, Mom and Dad came down to visit, and I decided we were going to go back, up and spend some time with them, because mom thought I really needed to go see my aunt. And told me of her failing health, I didn't want to believe it (because i remember what we went through with my grandparents on my moms side) and told them that i was going to go, well once again at 31, your parents CAN STILL make you do things you don't want to do, and Dad an I went up for a visit. We pulled up, and there was this long ramp that went down the sidewalk from their what i always thought was beautiful porch, even though it was just covered, concrete and brick pillars. We knocked on the door and walked into the kitchen where this woman, who I had known all my life, the same strong willed woman that would go out and do chores like any farm wife i knew was sitting in a wheel chair, eating yogurt, drinking something that wasn't as thick as a vanilla shake but wasn't as thin as milk, trying so hard to hold a conversation that wasn't even related to anything that the rest of us were actually talking about, and at that moment, reality set in.. This was not looking good. Mom and Dad continued to send food up to Uncle Danny, while he struggled to watch his wife of 50 some odd years fail before his eyes.
Things did not get better, in fact last fall my dads brother that lives in South Dakota, and their sister that lives some where over in the middle east(china I believe) and sister that lives not too far from my dad, all got together for a family gathering at my Aunt and Uncles house. Then not knowing where this would actually go.. My dads side of the family always have hosted a family Christmas, kind of as a way to reconnect and Dixie and Danny showed up, her looking at lot more frail and thin, than she had in the earlier months, but still got the same heartwarming smile that i got every time when we saw them. I sat down next to her holding Emmie in my lap, and she took a look at me, and looked at Em and smiled, as heartbreaking as it was, she knew who we were and that was all that mattered.
Fast forwarding again to today, about an hour and a half after I had talked to my parents earlier, my mom called, once again giving me that "I don't have time to talk, but you really need to know this" tone of voice. As i waited for what was going to be bad news, she said, "I really hate to tell you this, but your aunt is gone." She had just gotten off the phone with dad, and he didn't really know anymore than what Uncle Danny had told him. So here I am.. almost emotionless, of what the week has in store for me and the rest of the family, I know its going to be tough, and I just keep telling myself I have to get through this.
Life can crash before you in a second, just don't let the moments of being selfish take over. Because you never know what tomorrow can have in store for you.
